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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28569705">Lost Souls</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniasland/pseuds/Insomniasland'>Insomniasland</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Road Trips, Romance, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:02:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,031</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28569705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniasland/pseuds/Insomniasland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Run away with me Bora, I don't care where. We will find a way. Run away with me."</p><p>"Let's make our life a map with no compass."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lost Souls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi , I literally wrote this just for the sake of sharing my feelings about the world and society and everything. </p><p>And honestly to educate more about bipolar disorder. It's really unbelievable how many people don't know this disorder or simply think it's not as important as depression. Let me tell you something it is more important than depression and %15 people with bipolar end up killing themselves. If you have read my other au Light In The Dark, you may see that. It was the worst case scenario but it does happen. ANYWAY lmao enjoy :') my twitter is ; @singniecult</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <cite>What the hell am I doing here?</cite>
</p><p>What was she doing here? In a coffee shop with her best friend Minji that she met during college. Drinking the same coffee they drank every goddamn day. Repeating the same days over and over again. </p><p>Wake up, eat, work, sleep. </p><p>Do what the society wanted you do.</p><p>Do what your family or friends wanted you to do.</p><p>It was a fucking cycle she couldn’t get out of.</p><p>Some people enjoyed it, loved living in a cycle. Grow up, work to live, pay the bills, get married and die. That was what people wanted for their lives.</p><p>Why?</p><p>The world was more than that. There was so much to see. So much to explore. New cultures to know about, new people to meet, new languages to learn. </p><p>Do something unpredictable.</p><p>But she was stuck.</p><p>She wanted to be free, feel free. </p><p>She felt lost here. She felt suffocated. She wanted to breathe different air, feel different rain on her face.</p><p>She didn’t belong here. </p><p>“Are you taking your pills, Siyeon?” Minji’s voice snapped her back into reality. </p><p>Her pills. She had bipolar disorder and in order to keep it in check she had to take lithium. A mood stabilizer. Some chemicals in her brain were missing and the medicine balanced it out. </p><p>How cool, right?</p><p>She could never miss a dose of lithium or else she’d increase the risk for mood symptoms. </p><p>They had diagnosed her when she was a little girl. </p><p>Some would blame it on the growing up, a phase, puberty but her mother, a psychiatrist, knew better. </p><p>It was a quick catch, really. Saved her the trouble of finding out herself. Saved her the scars of her body or ending her life for that matter because she knew people who had bipolar were most likely to commit suicide. </p><p>She hadn’t had a depression episode or hypomanic episode in years but she could if she stopped taking her pills and everyone in her circle made sure she would never miss a dose. </p><p>It was a long-term treatment, but people with bipolar could have a healthy life with proper medication, good support system, therapy, exercise and a good amount of sleep.</p><p>She tried her best to follow the rules because without medication… well she’d rather die than to feel like that again.</p><p>The depression episode was the worst thing anyone could ever go through. She would never wish it on her worst enemy. </p><p>She’d sleep most of the day, she would never eat, she would be too tired to move her arm, she’d feel guilty for no reason, she’d feel worthless, she’d have suicidal thoughts. It wasn’t just sadness; it was pain that was so severe that she didn’t feel anything. Why people usually took their lives. </p><p>Then there was manic episode which was great. She’d feel happy, jumpy, wired, energetic, over confident. She’d talk none stop because her mind would come up with different ideas every second. She’d spend money on awful things, make bad decisions.</p><p>She went through manic episode then the depression came right after and her mother immediately figured out why and got her diagnosed. She was a psychiatrist after all. </p><p>Even after she moved out to live alone, she’d always check on Siyeon to make sure she had been taking her pills, much like her best friend.</p><p>“You know I’d never miss it.” Siyeon replied, taking a sip from the coffee. </p><p>The same shitty coffee.</p><p>How would it taste in Italy? France? Anywhere but here? </p><p>“You look so deep in thought, what are you thinking?” Her best friend asked.</p><p>“How much I want to pack my stuff and go.” </p><p>“Where? You have a job here. Your life is here.” Minji said as a matter-of-factly.   </p><p>That was the problem. Everything was here and she was tired of it. Why did she even become an architect? Drawing calmed her mind but did she really want it? </p><p>And why was she questioning her choice of job after years?</p><p>Even though she had a place, it wasn’t home. Her parents’ house, wasn’t home either.</p><p>So where was her home?</p><p>Where did she belong?</p><p>Maybe somewhere far away from here, somewhere she could feel like herself, free as bird. </p><p>With no obligation to anyone. With no responsibility. With no stress of work or if she could pay the bills on time. </p><p>Nevertheless, she couldn’t find it by sitting here, doing the same things every day, following a pretty basic pattern.</p><p>Rachel Wolchin once said, ‘If we’re meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet.’</p><p>“You never imagined traveling the world with just a backpack? To see new people, learn new cultures?”</p><p>“Not really, I like what I do here.”</p><p>She was a fucking therapist for God’s sake. Who would enjoy listening to other people’s problems? </p><p>“I want to go Minji.” </p><p>“I don’t think it is a good idea. I guess, you feel bored and suffocated that we have a pattern?” Minji tried to analyze her. </p><p>Siyeon hated when her best friend went all therapy mode. Her eyebrows knot thickly in her forehead, “Don’t analyze me.” </p><p>“I’m not. I’m just trying to help,” Minji reached out to touch Siyeon’s hand on the table and gave her a big smile, “I’ll support whatever you do, just make it a good decision.”</p><p>“When have I ever made a bad decision?” Siyeon scoffed. She’d made quite a few but none of that mattered.</p><p>“The time you spent all of your money on clothes.” Minji said. </p><p>“I’m still wearing them aren’t I? A good decision.” </p><p>“But you had to borrow money from your parents for a month.” </p><p>Siyeon rolled her eyes, taking another sip from her coffee, “I think I’ll quit and see where the road takes me.”</p><p>“No plan? No destination?” </p><p>“Nothing. Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for. Who knows.” </p><p> </p><p>That was exactly what she did the next day. She quit her job, took her saved up money out of the bank, packed necessary clothes, just enough to fill a backpack, her passport, her meds and her favorite book she couldn’t live without. </p><p>Off she went. To the bus station in hopes of finding herself in the road. She didn’t have to wake up, eat, work and sleep anymore. It was a new adventure and she welcomed it. Every aspect of it.</p><p>She bought a ticket as far away as possible. A ticket to freedom.</p><p>The bus rides were not the most comfortable thing in the world but it was more than enough. She tied her long blonde hair in a messy bun and sank into her seat.</p><p>“Can I sit here?” A young looking girl with long light brown hair asked standing in the aisle of the bus. </p><p>“Uh- yeah sure.” Siyeon moved over her backpack down on the floor of the bus. The girl sat down on the seat next to Siyeon and smiled at her as her little dimple showed. </p><p>“Where are you going?” The girl asked again. Talkative type, okay. Not the best company in a bus but at least the girl was pretty. </p><p>Where was she going? No clue. She hoped to feel when it was the right place for her. The road would take her there.</p><p>“The bus is going to Busan.” </p><p>“You’re going to Busan?” The girl chuckled and Siyeon had to bit her tongue to stop herself from poking her dimple. It was adorable. </p><p>“Where are you going?” Siyeon asked to change the subject.</p><p>“Who knows, I don’t like to make plans.” </p><p>Siyeon felt captivated by her eyes, as if this girl could see right through her soul. It was insane, a little bit of strange but it was true.</p><p>And her lips looked so soft, she wondered how they’d feel.</p><p>This girl had no plans whatsoever and Siyeon couldn’t be happier that their paths crossed in such unconventional way.</p><p>Maybe this girl could be the best road trip buddy. </p><p>“My name is Siyeon, by the way.” She introduced herself.</p><p>The girl smiled faintly, still looking at Siyeon with those captivating eyes, “Hello, Siyeon. I’m Bora.” </p><p>Just as she said her name, the bus started to move. </p><p>It was really happening. She was really leaving. She felt giddy inside, the expectation of finding a place she belonged.  </p><p>The society be damned. </p><p>She had no intention of turning back. </p><p>Bora.</p><p>What a beautiful name just like the owner of the name.</p><p>The thing about cars or busses, it always made Siyeon sleepy. Her parents would take her for a ride in middle of the night to make her sleep.</p><p>So it really wasn’t a surprise that she drifted off to sleep in no time, no matter how many times she had tried to stay up to talk to the pretty lady.</p><p>She had no idea how long she had been sleeping but a gentle nudge on her leg made her eyes flutter open and realize her loud alarm sound was disturbing everyone in the bus.</p><p>It was actually a reminder to take her pill and while she hurried to turn off the alarm, she didn’t even pay attention to the fact her head was on the girl’s shoulder.</p><p>Her face turned red as she finally managed to turned it off. </p><p>
  <cite>Note to self; do not forget to turn the damn thing off before a long trip with lots of people.</cite>
</p><p>“You didn’t wake up to that sound but you woke up immediately with a poke,” Bora laughed softly, glancing at the panicked girl, “It is absolutely remarkable how fast you fell asleep.” </p><p>“Cars make me sleepy,” Siyeon shrugged and took out her medicine and a water bottle from her backpack, and knowing she was being watched made her flushed.</p><p>“I noticed,” Bora said, “If you don’t mind me asking, what are you taking?”</p><p>Normally, Siyeon would feel uncomfortable talking about her mental health or her life with a complete stranger but somehow the girl’s aura was so comforting and warm she just wanted to share everything with her.</p><p>They were just strangers; but it didn’t feel like it. </p><p>“Lithium,” Siyeon muttered before swallowing a pill with water, but before she could explain the girl spoke.</p><p>“Are you bipolar?” </p><p>“Yeah, how would you know?”</p><p>The girl turned her body towards Siyeon slightly but with a good distance between them, “I studied med. Then switched the psychology but it wasn’t for me.”</p><p>“My mom is a psychiatrist. Best friend is a therapist. I never understood why they enjoyed listening to people’s bullshit.” Siyeon said, “No offence.”</p><p>Bora laughed loudly and it was like birds chipping sound. What a unique laughter. It was splendid.</p><p>This mysterious girl was a lot like her. She wished she realized architecture wasn’t for her sooner. Would save her 4 years of university. Waste of time.</p><p>“None taken, I quit in the middle of it because I thought the same. When were you diagnosed?”</p><p>“When I was little. My mom caught it real quick.” Siyeon smiled softly. “So if you quit med… what are you doing now?”</p><p>“Taking a bus to Busan with a lovely lady.” Bora replied smoothly. </p><p>Was it an attempt to flirt? Damn this girl was fast, it had been an hour since they met. But that didn’t mean her comment wouldn’t make Siyeon blush.</p><p>It did.</p><p>Maybe Bora didn’t like talking about herself. She could be a serial killer but truth be told, she was too small and little to be a killer.</p><p>With dimples.</p><p>Adorable.</p><p>Siyeon nodded, “There is a lovely lady over there,” </p><p>Bora followed her gaze to check the lady out and bit back her laughter, “My type. Old, wrinkled…fat.” They both paused for a second before bursting into laughter. </p><p>After they calmed down from laughing, muttering apologies to people in the bus, Bora continued, “No, I’m just a dancer. I don’t do jobs though. It’s too… boring.”</p><p>A dancer. That explained the marvelous body this girl had. </p><p>And another human being that thought jobs were boring! </p><p>“What do you do then?” </p><p>“I make choreographies for people, cover videos on youtube.” Bora said, “What about you?” </p><p>“That’s awesome. I am an architect.” Siyeon mumbled. She was proud of what she had become but if she could go back in time, she would’ve done things differently. </p><p>Such as, live a little. </p><p>Not for others. </p><p>Life wasn’t about a job, paying bills, obeying the society.</p><p>It was more than that.</p><p><cite>Don’t please the others, please yourself.</cite> </p><p>She just had the guts to act on her feelings. </p><p>Better late than never.</p><p>“Oh, smart girl.”</p><p>“Says the girl who studied med.” </p><p>Bora chuckled weakly and looked outside with a thoughtful expression. Siyeon didn’t want to pry but part of her was dying to ask why she even chose med. Was it family pressure? </p><p>“Why architecture?” </p><p>“Drawing has a way of calming me. Building things from nothing… you feel like a God but just like you, I hate jobs.”</p><p>“Fuck society,”</p><p>“Fuck society.” </p><p>The bus came to a stop in a gas station, announced a ten-minute break and scratch their legs. It’s been almost two hours, only two more to go.</p><p>They stepped outside and Siyeon noticed Bora was a lot smaller than she was. Cute. She yawned, “Can I ask, how old are you?”</p><p>“26. Don’t tell me you are older than me,”</p><p>“I’m 25, you are good.” Siyeon laughed softly. </p><p>They went to the toilet of the gas station and thankfully it was clean enough and bought some snacks together.</p><p>“What are you planning to do in Busan?” Bora asked as she paid for their snacks. She insisted on paying for Siyeon’s too because, in her words, she was older. </p><p>“I don’t know. Stay few days and go again.”</p><p>They stepped outside, Siyeon inhaled deeply, she loved the night breeze, the soft wind caressing her face.</p><p>“Into the unknown?”</p><p>“Exactly.” </p><p>They made their way inside the bus and settled in their seats again and after few minutes the bus started moving again. </p><p>It was nice to have company, with a girl that shared same thoughts as Siyeon. She didn’t feel alone.</p><p>The rest of the ride went by quickly, the bus was filled with their quiet conversations, getting to know each other better.</p><p>By the time they got to their destination, Siyeon felt closer to the girl than she did before and for some reason she didn’t want to part ways so soon.</p><p>“Let’s go to the beach. Come on it’s not far from here.” Bora suggested and started walking without waiting Siyeon to follow as if she knew she would.</p><p>Apparently Bora didn’t want to part ways, either.</p><p>Well, who was she to say no?</p><p>She had never been in Busan before. </p><p>She had never even left Seoul or Korea. It was nice to be somewhere far away than Seoul. </p><p>But it still didn’t feel like this was where she belonged.</p><p>Maybe it was crazy to trust that she’d feel it but what other choices did she have?</p><p>She watched Bora take off her jacket as soon as they came to the beach, she sent a wink on her way and stripped to her underwear. </p><p>“Let’s wash off the trip smell!” She yelled and ran straight into the sea without looking back.</p><p>Siyeon was stunned. It wasn’t too cold but it wasn’t hot either. </p><p>Bora was impulsive and careless. She did whatever the hell she wanted. That truly inspired Siyeon. </p><p>“Come on, what happened to living a little?” Bora smiled mischievously, daring her to follow her.</p><p>This was why she left, right? To feel young, to say fuck the rules, to feel free, to break the cycle.</p><p>She would have never done it in Seoul or with Minji because her best friend liked to live with plans, with the rules.</p><p>Bora was the complete opposite.</p><p>She took the dare. </p><p>She stripped down to her underwear and buried her toes in the sand. Then she ran into the sea next to Bora.</p><p>The water was surprisingly warm, it didn’t shock her body and she expected to be freezing. </p><p>She sank in the water; they didn’t swim far from the land so her butt could literally touch the sand beneath which made her chuckle.</p><p>When was the last time she did something reckless? Something spontaneous?</p><p>“What are you scared of, Lee Siyeon? In general.”</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>“I think… not finding my place in the world. I feel like, it’s pointless. Like we try to please the others, our family, our friends but never ourselves. If it makes sense? We live for others basically.”</p><p>Bora nodded her head, remained silent for a while as she thought what to answer. </p><p>“I get it. I’m scared of being forgotten. We are literally no one. We will never be remembered like, I don’t know, Bruce Lee.”</p><p>“I won’t forget you, Bora.”</p><p>“We are a sand particle in millions and billions of sand.” Bora smiled sadly, she grabbed a hand full of sand underneath them and hold it on her palm for Siyeon to see, “We are this,” Bora sank her hand onto the water, watching the sand disappear, “and we are gone.”</p><p>“You don’t need the world to remember you, you need the person you can’t forget to remember you.” Siyeon repeated Bora and pulled out a hand full of sand, “Here you are, I found you.”</p><p>The older girl laughed and splashed water at Siyeon, “Let’s go somewhere.” Bora said as she swam closer.</p><p>“Where?”</p><p>“Anywhere the road takes us.” </p><p>“I like that idea.”</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, they rented a car and only Bora had a driving license. </p><p>They had no idea where they’d go, no intention to plan a route. </p><p>It was incredible how this stranger was like the other half of Siyeon. Her interests were quite similar to her own. </p><p>Bora liked rock, despised country music. </p><p>She hated the society, she hated obeying the rules. </p><p>She didn’t want to work to live. She wanted to live to work. </p><p>Just like Siyeon.</p><p>They were both breathing, but what they did was nowhere near living.</p><p>This was living.</p><p>It didn’t matter they were strangers, they both wanted the same thing. </p><p>What was the harm of searching for that place together?</p><p>Bora turned on rock music and they started the sing on top of their lungs. Bora’s voice was perfect. It was like honey, deep and luxurious. She could listen to her sing all day.</p><p>When they stopped in a gas station, Siyeon had an idea. Something she never would do. But fuck the rules, right? </p><p>“Bora, did you get gas?” Siyeon asked. </p><p>“Yes, all done. Ready to go?” </p><p>Siyeon glanced at the worker, who was doing whatever on the computer. Then she glanced back at the whisky with a devilish grin. </p><p>Bora took the hint, “Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking?”</p><p>“I don’t know, are you thinking we steal that bottle?”</p><p>“Fuck it, let’s do it.” Bora unzipped her backpack and they casually walked towards the liquor section. She checked the cameras, it looked like a blind spot. Hopefully. Oh, who cares. </p><p>She put the bottle in the backpack as subtle as she could and zipped it back. They smiled at the worker and when they stepped outside, they ran to their car laughing out loud along the way.</p><p>Who knew doing something she wasn’t supposed to do felt this amazing? But who made the rules, really. Who said let there be rules and sheeps must obey. </p><p>She was not a sheep.</p><p>For the first time in forever, she felt more alive than ever. </p><p>Bora started the car and took off quickly, she kept checking the rear-view mirror to see if anyone stormed out after them but nothing. </p><p>“I can’t believe this,” Siyeon laughed loudly as she took the whisky out of the backpack. </p><p>“I never thought you had it in you.” Bora chuckled, taking a turn.</p><p>Siyeon didn’t ask where, neither did she care. </p><p>“Oh why, do I look so innocent?” </p><p>“A little, yes.” </p><p>Siyeon giggled, hugging the whisky bottle closely to her chest. </p><p>They decided not to leave the seaside road. Seeing the sea made them feel free in a way. Both of them.</p><p>The night had fallen rather quickly and Bora pulled over in a camping area, just across the sea, with no one around. </p><p>Siyeon climbed on top of the car and laid down on it. The stars were shining down on them, millions and millions of stars just floating in space.</p><p>A sight she could never see in the city. </p><p>She felt Bora’s presence next to her but she didn’t look, she kept her gaze on the stars. </p><p>“It’s so beautiful, Bora. Because of the light pollution you can’t see it in the city.”</p><p>“Yeah. It’s beautiful.” Bora muttered but Siyeon knew she said it looking at the younger girl, which made her flush head to toe.</p><p>“Do you ever think; the world is a simulation?” Siyeon asked.</p><p>“Some philosopher said, ‘If we are living in a simulation, then the cosmos that we are observing is just a tiny piece of the totality of physical existence,”</p><p>Siyeon finished her sentence, ““While the world we see is in some sense ‘real,’ it is not located at the fundamental level of reality.” Nick Bostrom. I know.” She chuckled. </p><p>“If it’s true then we are all ones and zeros.”</p><p>“That’s why we are obliged to obey the rules. They force us.”</p><p>“Indeed.” Bora handed her a plastic cup full of whisky they stole. “I don’t know what is real or not, what I do know is I don’t want to be their puppet.”</p><p>“Cheers to that.” </p><p>They chugged down the alcohol in a second, Siyeon loved the burning feeling of it. </p><p>“I don’t think you are supposed to drink with the pills you are taking.”</p><p>“What happened to living a little?” Siyeon pouted. “Come on I stole this, I deserve it.”</p><p>“Alright, alright.” Bora poured more for the younger one and smiled, “Because you are cute.”</p><p>“Can I ask you a question?” </p><p>When Bora nodded, she continued, “Why did you half study med if you didn’t want to?”</p><p>Bora’s gaze turned towards the sky, “My parents are doctors, they wanted me to follow their footsteps but I-“ Bora shook her head, “I didn’t want it. I wanted to find what I was good at. And I did. Dancing is what I’m good at.”</p><p>Bora took a sip from her whisky, “But that wouldn’t bring me money would it? In their worlds, money is all that mattered. But life isn’t about money.”</p><p>“It’s not,”</p><p>“So I left.”</p><p>“Would it be weird if I said I’m glad you did?” Siyeon chuckled.</p><p>“I’m glad too. I got to meet you.” </p><p>The bottle was half way down when Bora scooted closer to Siyeon, she could feel her breath hover over her lips, “Can I kiss you?” </p><p>Siyeon nodded eagerly. She had been dreaming of her lips ever since they met. How they would taste, how soft they were. She wanted nothing more than to kiss this girl she recently met, but couldn’t picture her future without.</p><p>When Bora’s lips came in contact with her own, time had stopped. </p><p>She couldn’t even breath. </p><p>What was breathing? </p><p>She felt butterflies all over her stomach, a shiver down her spine, tingles in her body. </p><p>She deepened the kiss by tilting her head to side and let their tongues dance with each other. </p><p>Siyeon thought maybe it wasn’t a place she was looking for. Maybe her home wasn’t a city, small town, beach town or whatever. </p><p>Home didn’t always have to be four walls.</p><p>Maybe her home found her on the search of a home. </p><p>No, she didn’t belong anywhere. She was a free-spirit; she couldn’t be tamed.</p><p>Bora didn’t want to tame her. She wanted everything the younger girl wanted. </p><p>They were the same. </p><p>“Run away with me, Bora. I don’t care where. We will find a way. Run away with me.” </p><p>“I thought that’s what we were doing.” Bora chuckled and pecked her lips one more time, “Let’s make our life a map with no compass.”</p><p>She found <cite>who</cite> she belonged to.</p>
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